His and Her Pleasure
by IceHaze
Summary: It was no longer a joke when he was standing before her father with a condom in his hand.


**Disclaimer:** I don't own Naruto or any of its characters.  
**Warnings:** Language  
**SasuSakuMonth Prompt:** Ice

* * *

"Just look at how many different kinds there are." Naruto spread the contents of his package evenly on the table before sorting through them. There was an array of products and his fascination from the variety was not withheld from his friend's scrutiny.

"Moron, what the hell are you going to do with all of these?" Sasuke picked up one purple box and rattled it before reading the label carefully. "Fire and Ice…what does that even mean?"

Naruto's grin widened considerably. "So, I take it you haven't ventured into that prospect either, huh Sasuke?"

He blushed in response. "Fuck off, dumbass."

"I'm just teasing you. Besides, I'm not going to be using these. At least not the way you think."

"As if an idiot like you could get laid anyway."

"I'm going to let that comment slide because I'm in such a good mood."

The boy had something dangerous in mind. Sasuke groaned as Naruto's hand held back a snicker from escaping his mouth. That always meant trouble. "What are you up to?"

"I just thought of some awesome payback."

"Payback? For what?"

"Okay, hear me out. Do you remember that time Kiba took my clothes from the showers and I had to run halfway across the dorms in a wash cloth?"

"Yeah, I have to admit. That was fucking brilliant."

"Shut up, asshole! That was embarrassing. You should have seen all the girls laughing at me."

"Probably because they never saw a penis that small."

"Bastard. Anyway, about the plan. I just thought of something amazing to humiliate Kiba."

"And that would be?"

"Heh, it's open house this weekend, right?"

"Yeah?"

"His parents will be by to see him. And when they do, they're going to get a little surprise."

"That would have to do with these condoms, correct?"

"Yeah. I'm going to lay some open ones around his dorm room. Hell, I'll even squeeze some crap on them so they'll look like they've been used."

"That's sick."

"Oh ho, it gets even better. You know Kiba's roommate is Neji right?"

"Yeah," he narrowed his eyes at the name. The two had never gotten along considering they had long been competing since high school in every aspect of their life.

"I'm going to stick some in his bed sheets too. Then for the rest of his life, no matter how much Kiba pleads, his whole family will think he's gay. Rumors are going to fly after that."

"Now _that's_ fucking brilliant."

"I knew you'd see it my way. But listen, I'm going to need your help."

"Look, as much as I would love to see Neji bear some humiliation out of this, I'm going to have to tap out. I'm not about to get my ass in trouble for your crap."

"But you know Kiba's schedule better than I do!"

"Forget it. I'm not about to waste my time…" Sasuke's ears twitched at the sound of metal rattling the keyhole. "It's my roommate. Shut up." He glared at the tiny packages that lay on his kitchen table. "And hide those damn things!"

"Okay, okay!" Naruto frantically searched the kitchen and quickly stuffed the small items into a box just as Sasuke's roommate entered the apartment.

The two boys grinned nervously and offered a hello as the girl made her way to the bar to inspect some mail.

"Sasuke, did I get a package in today?"

"No, I didn't see anything."

"Figures. Overnight shipping my foot." She tossed aside the envelopes before quickly retrieving a bottle of water from the refrigerator. "If my package comes in, can you leave it by my door?"

"Sure," he rolled his eyes over to his friend who was visibly drooling. A quick hit on the head offered an immediate recovery.

"Well, I'll be working out in my room if you need me."

"Ah."

As soon as the door to her room closed, Naruto giggled uncontrollably. "You lucky bastard. I'd give anything to have Sakura as my roommate." More drool fell down his lips as he remembered the pink shorts, white camisole and barely evident red sports bra.

"We're just friends."

"Good, then _I_ can do her."

"She wouldn't waste her time on an idiot like you."

"Someone's jealous."

"I'm simply stating facts."

"Come on! You can't tell me that in the year you guys have been living together that nothing happened. I mean, not even a walking in on her naked, helping her dress or even a little footsies under the kitchen table?"

"No." There was one moment the two sat together on the couch to watch a movie. It was a rather boring film, so he wasn't surprised at all when he dozed off. But as soon as he woke up, he was greeted with an also sleeping roommate and his hand on her right breast. Although the embarrassment forced him to let go, he had to admit. It sparked a sensational feeling in his fingers.

"I would have made a move long ago."

"Idiot, it would ruin the mutual agreement."

"But it would have made the arrangements so much more interesting."

"Tch. This is why you can't get a girl."

"You'd know all about that too, huh?"

He would not take the bait. "Look, if you came over just to show me your little latex collection, then go home. I've got some studying for my Monday exam in chemistry."

"Fine. We'll talk more about our prank later."

He grumbled quietly at the word. Since when did he agree to anything? "Just get out, moron."

"I swear, you wouldn't be this grumpy if you just…"

"Out!"

Naruto recoiled from the shaking table and immediately waved a farewell as he sped out the door.

"Idiot…"

"Sasuke! Can you come here?"

"Yeah, I'm coming!"

When he received permission to open her door, his hand gripped the doorknob tightly. There she was, laying on floor, feet up in the air kicking in a bicycle movement.

"I forgot to tell you something."

They continued to move in a circular motion. His trained eyes roamed from her long legs down to her well-toned thighs. They then tiptoed over to her thin waste until they settled on her chest.

"Yeah?"

She made a few groaning noises as her legs gave out from the exercise. His body instantly tingled.

"My parents will be by tomorrow morning to see me before they head off to the university to hear a lecture. Just giving you a heads up now."

Sweat began to drip from her face, to her neck and down her exposed collar bone. His own body mimicked similar functions.

"A-ah."

"Are your parents going to be here?"

She began another routine and he silently rejoiced in his wonderful angle of her body.

"Yeah, but they won't be here until Saturday."

"That sucks. Well, you're welcome to have dinner with us tomorrow then. I'm sure my parents won't mind treating you."

She winked over at him and he was half certain he was caught in his observations.

"Ah."

She turned over to start her pushups, and a red flag went up in his mind as he realized this angle would put him in a very delicate predicament soon enough.

"I-I have to get going now. I've got a lot of studying to do."

"Okay, good luck then."

"Thank you."

The anxiety did not disappear even that evening as he lay still underneath a cold shower. So he wasn't completely honest with Naruto. He did often think of the girl, especially when she exposed her body in her athletic endeavors. He also let his eyes wander after her nightly showers, when she had a habit of forgetting some piece of clothing in her room, thus forcing her to strut about the apartment in only her towel. There were also moments when he dreamt all night and would wake up with the need to rewash his linens. It didn't start out that way, but the more he spent time with her and the less time he had to work out his frustrations, the more his mind began to drift to areas he preferred it wouldn't.

He spent the evening catering to fantasies and the night, dreaming of them. It was due to his sleep deprived state, that he almost missed the impatient ringing of a doorbell the next morning as he lazily chewed on his toasted sandwich.

"Sasuke! Can you get that? I'm in the bathroom."

When he first opened the door, he was certain it was either another religious group or some door-to-door salespeople. But the familiar pink hair of the woman and light green eyes of the man alerted him to a warning from the previous day.

"Good morning, Mrs. Haruno. Mr. Haruno."

Despite his formalities, the male before him scowled.

"Who are you?"

Sakura's mother immediately intervened.

"Sweetheart, didn't we tell you? This is Sakura's roommate, Sasuke."

"I wasn't told her roommate was a boy."

Sasuke visibly recoiled from the man's steps into the apartment.

"Sweetie, please. There is no need to get upset."

"Damn straight there is! A college boy is rooming with my innocent daughter and you have the nerve to tell me to calm down?"

"Honey, your blood pressure."

Sasuke's dark eyes and creased eyebrows were fixated on the man's death glare. Had it not been for Sakura jumping in, he was sure death would be tapping his shoulder at the moment.

"Daddy, leave Sasuke alone!"

"But!"

"Daddy, Sasuke is just a friend. Nothing is going on."

"But sweetheart, you can't trust these men."

"But don't you trust _me_?" She pulled out her bottom lip into a pout. It was enough to appease the man.

"Of course, pumpkin." He returned the glare again. "I don't trust _him_."

"Okay, okay. Let's get you over here. I want to show you my room."

Sasuke retreated momentarily to the kitchen table. He rolled his eyes at her father's lack of restraint to his volume. He didn't care if he was heard.

"I told you, Sakura. No boys."

"Daddy, I couldn't find anyone else to move off campus on such short notice."

"But…"

"Think of how much we're saving on room and board, daddy."

"Sweetheart, money is not the issue. I just don't want anything to happen."

"Nothing is happening. I promise. Sasuke is very respectful of me…"

"I…"

"_And_ my body. Please daddy. Just give him a chance."

"Very well. But if he so much as looks at you dirty…"

"I will put my taekwondo classes to good use."

"Good."

Sasuke immediately feigned disinterest and continued eating his sandwich when he heard feet shuffling. While Sakura's mother continued to make notes of how much her daughter needed better décor, her father insisted on checking out every aspect of their apartment—including his own room. Despite his annoyance at the intrusion, especially when her father began to open drawers to check for any questionable objects or substances, he had nothing to hide; so he allowed him the privilege. Hopefully, it was enough to shake off the man's suspicion of him.

"Well everything seems to be in good standing."

"Not entirely. Sakura, sweetheart, we need to get you to the arts and crafts store. You need an update on all your décor."

"Mom, we don't need a thousand-dollar picture frame on my wall."

"I know, baby. But maybe just a new vase, or some flowers. Or maybe even some new curtains. They have a special down at the department store at the mall. We can probably get you a complete upgrade for half the price!"

"Mom."

She was grateful when her father pushed her gently to the door.

"All right, honey. We'll discuss this in the car. Sakura, we'll see you at the banquet tonight."

"Can Sasuke come with me?"

Sasuke straightened his posture for her father. He awaited words from his open mouth but it was his wife who cut in first.

"Of course, sweetie. We'll see the both of you tonight at dinner."

"Thanks, mom."

He released a heavy breath of fresh air as soon as they disappeared.

Sakura giggled at his now lax body. "Why were you so tense?"

"I don't know. Your dad just has it out for me, I guess. It makes me nervous."

"My dad is like that with all guys I hang out with or talk to. He automatically thinks I must be having sex with them. It's so weird. I swear, he would think that of my own cousins if he didn't know who they were."

"That is weird."

She reached on top of the refrigerator for her favorite box of cereal and began her daily routine of a quick breakfast. "And what about you? Are your parents as weird as that?"

"My father is pretty much quiet all the time. He wouldn't question any type of relationship I was in. I think he could care less. My school work and progress fascinate him far more."

"I wish my dad was like that. I get perfect scores and it's just a 'good job' he says. But lo and behold I'm having a conversation with some guy and I get an earful."

"My mother is like that."

"So she nags at you too, huh?"

"Not exactly. She actually wants me to get laid most of the time. Every time I'm talking to a girl she asks me if she's my girlfriend. So be prepared when she gets here. She'll be thinking the same of you and showing off my baby pictures to embarrass me."

She giggled at the thought of her tiny naked roommate with a cute little butt. "Actually I think that would be quite entertaining."

"My mother pestering you?"

"No, cute pictures of you naked."

Sasuke raised his eyebrow at her newly formed blush.

"I meant _baby_ naked pictures. Get those dirty thoughts out of your head."

"Dirty? I assure you that I am as clean…"

Sakura poured her cereal into the large porcelain bowl. Sasuke immediately paled at what came out and splattered in her milk.

"…as can be."

Sakura's eyes blinked in confusion. Sasuke watched in slow torture as her fingers wiped off white liquid from her cheeks and lips. He began to sweat when she picked up the tiny packages and inspected them carefully.

"Fire and Ice. What the hell is…" She narrowed her eyes.

"I swear this is not what you think!"

"So there aren't packages of condoms in my cereal box?"

"Yes there are, but I promise it's nothing dirty!"

She rose from her chair angrily. "How can you say that? I didn't think you were that type of guy, Sasuke!"

"I'm not! They belong to Naruto."

Her eyes widened. "I _really_ didn't think you were that type of guy."

"It's not like that! Look, Naruto is going to play a joke on one of his friends. When you came in yesterday afternoon, I told him to hide the condoms so you wouldn't see them and think anything wrong of it. The dumbass left them in your cereal box."

"That's the truth?"

"Have I ever misled you?"

"No. No, you haven't."

"So are we cool?"

"Yeah, we're cool. But seriously, what are you guys planning to do?"

"Naruto is getting payback for what Kiba did awhile back."

Sakura threw her head back in amusement. "You mean that time he ran naked through the dorms to get to his room? That was classic! We all got a kick out of that."

"Well, he wasn't naked per se. He did have a wash cloth on him."

"Yeah, a lot of good that did. The only thing it did was conceal his junk."

"Believe me. There wasn't much to conceal."

The two stared at each other momentarily before they clutched onto their stomachs from the laughter.

"You guys are too much. But still…" she brought the condom closer to her eyes. "What exactly do these do? I mean, they're all so different." She kneeled on the floor to pick up the fallen ones. "Fire and Ice, Ecstasy, Ribbed, Ultra Thin…I didn't realize there were so many different kinds. What's their function?"

"Hell if I know."

She raised an eyebrow at the statement.

"I mean…well, I…"

"It's okay, Sasuke. That _is_ the type of guy I thought you were."

He grumbled at having his inexperience shine through his cool demeanor. "And what about you?"

"What? I'm as innocent as they come."

"Yeah, right."

"I am. In anyway, which would you choose?"

"Huh?"

"If you had to choose, which would you go for?"

"That's such a weird question. You're doing this just to make me nervous."

She smiled widely. "Yep. Come on, it's not that hard. As a guy, which would interest you more?"

"Well…" he accepted the one she held and read the label. "I guess..."

The two swished their heads at the door that swung open.

"Sakura, sweetheart, I think your mother left her coat in your bath…room."

Sasuke's frightened eyes went from her father, to the condom in his hands, to Sakura's milk-stained face hovering close to his legs, back to her father again. "Sir, I promise you, this isn't what it looks like!"

"Daddy! I can explain!"

He was now a different red from Sasuke. His nose released a bovine snort and Sasuke was sure this bull was ready to charge and ram its horns into his flesh.

"You, boy. YOU'RE DEAD!"

The last feeling he recalled that day was the gentle tap of cold fingers along his shoulder blade.

* * *

**Author's Notes**

1. I wrote this story way before any information on Sakura's parents came out so sorry if some stuff is not accurate about them.

2. Got this drabble idea after talking to a friend of mine who had wanted to play a similar joke on her friend (you know who you are and tsk tsk on you).

3. One more story to go, I think. The month is almost over!

_~Icehaze_


End file.
